New beginnings - growing up

September is often seen as a new year aas its the start of the new school term and activities start up again after the summer break. Kids go back to school in a new class and they have all gotten a year older. Hannah is now in Year 1 and I think we will start seeing how big a step up year 1 is compared to reception as she starts to get homework sent home as of Monday and spellings after half term.
The kids have spent all their lives sleeping in the same bedroom but for the past 6 months I have wanted to separate them and it has finally happenend. Joshua has his own bedroom and has settled well to sleeping in a big boy bed and on his own. He also started pre-school on thursday and received his first 'tificate for completing his 1st day. he is just so grown-up now, its hard to remember to let them do things for themselves. I keep doing things for them when they can do it themselves. The plus side is that I now get 3 mornings a week to myself for ME time. Aerobics, swimming, I may even get the ol' clarinet out and have a blow. Oohhh the excitement. I have two children becoming more independant - it must be time for another little one!!!!

For I know the plans I have for you

I have been finding that difficult to believe of late. I wish God would tell us and tell other poeple who make the decisions cos it feels like no one is getting the message. Its all to do with Pete getting a job, since merging the business with someone else we have struggled financially and Pete has struggled to have a stable job - being made redundant several times. Now he is self-employed and so we struggle with the uncertainty of when and if pete is going to get work for the day. He has had job interviews which we thought he stood a good chance of getting but to no avail. Applied for so many and been turned down or not even short listed. So its no wonder that I struggle to believe the verse "For I know the plans I have for you", i wish it would say after "and I will tell all the appropriate people what they are - the ones who decide on jobs and you which job to apply for"
I have increased my hours at work - for what its worth - so work on the weekends but I just wish we could sell up and get rid of all our debts and start again. I dont know if anyone reads this but if you do please pray for us and our situation.

Today was the Women's Conforence - Free to be - @ Church today. It has been an emotional up & down kind of day. Bringing up loads of things for me to think about/work through. How I feel about myself, my valuation of myself. I know it in my head, the theroy but but in practise it is so much harder to feel worth. To look at myself in the mirror and not think how ugly are you. It is harder to feel that I'm not an irritation and a burden to the people around me. I dont want Hannah to struggle with these issues yet how can I teach her to have confidence in herself both physically, mentally & emotionally when I dont have any in myself. I know that I shouldn't think on these things and that its not Godly to think these things but sometimes it just comes out of my mouth. I dont want to be speaking these things in my house as it wont help Hannah to grow up with a healthy sense of worth. I know I need to spend more quality time with her, to learn about her and get to know her better. I know I need to get back to the basics and put God into the centre of it all.

Wow - its been a while

Well as the title says it been a while since I was last on here. What has happened since August 09. Well Hannah started school, she has settled in well and is making huge leaps in her learning. I love the fact that she can write her own name, knows lots of letters from the alphabet, numeracy skills etc. She was an angel in the christmas nativity. She has been planning her party since like October which makes me laugh. Pete got a job working for one of his old bosses. He has now qualified as an Emergency Transport Attendant which means he can work on the ambulances (not as a paramedic) so does shifts every so often when they come up. Joshua started at play school one afternoon a week and will soon go to two afternoons. I am still working at McDonalds but have moved to a store closer by which I enjoy. We moved church at the end of the year which has been hard leaving everything familiar behind. I still see friends from the old church so it hasn't been a major issue but its still sad, on the positive Pete & I are enjoying our new church and it seems to have brought a bit more fire to my faith. I have recently been thinking about joining the worship team which will be a big challenge as they are of a higher standard than I am used or feel qualified to play in. I probably wont be able to do anything until sometime in May. I had my metal plate removed from my wrist a couple of weeks ago which at the moment seems to have been an improvement. Well yesterday was my birthday, 33 years old. It was a much happier day than last year. I went to work doing shortened hours and then came home and made some pizzas and had friends round to share it with. Tonight I am going out with my sister to the community cinema to see the film Up, and then go out for a drink. Tomorrow we are going out for a carvery meal which I am looking forward to.
Last year in June I was very drepressed about my weight which seemed to be going only one way and that was up. I went to see a friend of mine and asked her to be my weight loss mentor. After going through a food diary and giving me some pointers on where I was going wrong, I lost 3lb in 2 days. I have continued to loss weight and gain fitness and over the past9 months have lost 31 1/2lb. I am only a few pounds away from having lost 20% of my body weight. I still have more weight to lose, but dont particluary have a goal in mind, although to get into the healthy weight BMI scale I need to get down to 9st 6lb as a minimum. Still have a way to go. I have entered the Race for Life 10k race at Cheltenham racecourse in July. I have discovered a joy of exercise which I didn't have before.
Life, at the moment, seems to be okay.

Redundancy

Well as the tiltle says this blog is about redundancy. Pete's redundancy. Yep for the 3rd in as many years Pete has been made redundant again. we found out this afternoon whilst sitting in McDonalds getting Hannah a treat for being such a brave girl about her injections. the first thing that jumps to mind is 'how are we going to pay the bills' and we have quite a lot of them. Fortunately the mortgage got paid today so at least that doesn't need finding. I can always work extra hours at McDonalds but its not gonna help all that much. Pete has applied for a job as a student paramedic in the North East but that might not be for another 6 months. So how are we gonna cope? I haven't got a clue and to be honest I dont do 'having faith' very well. I can just see that no money is coming in and we're screwed. we're already sitting in the overdraft and that could very well go over. pete has the offer of work here and there but in this climate we all need more than that. So we are just another statistic being added to the unemployed register. I'll update you all as things go and hopefully (we pray) Pete will get this job in the north east. Apart from it being a job with more security in it that previous jobs he's had, its what he would really like to do.

Speak, Lord, for thy servant is listening

I wanted to write about an experience I had just recently. I was praying on Sunday about when we would find out some news and pete's application to the London Ambulance Service. I heard a voice in my head saying next week, but thought it was just me thinking it. I told Pete and he asked if I had an answer to which I said no. Anyhow on friday when the post arrived I was upstairs and looked over the banister rail to downstairs and saw the post on the floor. On the top was a third A4 envelope with stamping over it, so i asked Hannah to bring the post up to me. Joshua came to help as well and you can probably guess what that envelope was......yep a letter from the London Ambulance Service! So much for having faith and believing that it was God speaking to me. (my class report would say something like must step out in faith more).

Happy Birthday

Today is my birthday and I am 32 years old. I was excited yesterday but then today its just another day really. Mum & Dad took me and Charlotte to see Riverdance - The Final Tour so that was exciting to go and see. We didn't know until we got there. I think as time goes by birthdays dont get as exciting as they used to be. Finances are so tight so its difficult to splash out. Oh well. Life is going on pretty much as usual. Work, School, Church. We have Spring Harvest to look forward to and finding out which school Hannah is appointed in about two weeks time. Might take to kids out to Pizza Hut for tea tonight. Pete's out all night as well today so I might just treat myself.